The Gift of Being Wrong
On resistance to change, and how to change it
Most mornings, the first thing I do is get up and write down whatever I dreamed last night. It’s a great tool for self-awareness and self-reflection.
Last night, I was in an open field full of people and wild animals—wolves, bears, creatures that could kill you. Everyone, including me, was running for their lives. This went on for some time. But at some point, something in me shifted. I realized I couldn't keep running forever.
So I stopped, faced a charging wolf head-on, and just as it was about to attack, I quickly reached out and grabbed it by the scruff of its neck. Immediately, it went limp—as harmless as picking up a kitten.
Thrilled with this discovery, I carried the docile wolf, still grabbing it by the scruff of its neck, over to show the others, still running for their lives.
Their reaction shocked me. Instead of relief or excitement, they were angry. Furious, even. I had broken their simulation—disrupted how they believed things worked. In my dream-logic, I couldn't understand why they'd prefer to keep running in terror when I'd found a way out.
When I woke up, I realized this dream captured something I've observed repeatedly in both my life and work: people often resist evidence that challenges their understanding of reality, even when that new understanding would improve their lives.
Why We Resist Reality Upgrades
This isn't just dream logic—it's a well-documented psychological phenomenon. Cognitive dissonance describes the mental discomfort we experience when faced with information that contradicts our existing beliefs. This discomfort is so unpleasant that we'll often reject new evidence rather than update our understanding.
For founders and leaders, this shows up constantly. Maybe you've been convinced that micromanaging is necessary because "no one else will do it right," only to feel threatened when shown evidence that giving your team autonomy creates better results. Or perhaps you've built an identity around hustle culture, making it painful to acknowledge research showing that rest, recovery and balance actually improve performance.
The psychology goes deeper when trauma is involved. When we've experienced significant pain or fear, we develop belief systems designed to protect us from experiencing that again. These beliefs—even when they're limiting us, or outright wrong—provide a sense of predictability in an unpredictable world. Challenging them can feel like a threat to our very survival. At some point these beliefs did protect us, but there comes a time when the real danger is gone, and we’re only being harmed by the belief that remains.
My Own Resistance to Change
I've experienced this from both sides. For years, I held rigid beliefs about why certain patterns kept appearing in my life. I believed I understood why things were the way they were—why certain relationships followed the same trajectory, why specific professional situations kept repeating. Like the other people in my dream, I just thought this is how life worked, and did not believe that things could be different.
These beliefs were actually comfortable in their way. They gave me a framework for understanding my experiences, even if that framework kept me stuck in patterns that weren't serving me.
The hardest work I've done has involved examining these beliefs and being willing to consider I might be wrong. Initially, this was terrifying—if my understanding of how the world works was incorrect, what else might I be misinterpreting?
But over time, I've discovered something surprising: being wrong is usually good news. These days, when I'm wrong about my limiting beliefs, it typically means things are better than I thought. In this case, being wrong means I’ve changed my life in a way that doesn’t reflect old patterns, the people and scenarios I used to surround myself with. The world has more possibilities, people have more capacity for change, and I have more agency than my old belief systems allowed. In this case, being wrong is very good news.
When Optimism Becomes Denial
While I've often found that challenging my fears reveals things aren't as bad as I thought, there's an equally important flip side to this: sometimes we resist evidence that situations are worse than we want to believe.
I've been guilty of this too—stubbornly ignoring red flags in relationships and business partnerships, convincing myself things were "fine" when they were fundamentally broken. This is particularly common for those of us with trauma histories, where we've developed sophisticated coping mechanisms to minimize threats.
It’s like the runners in my dream, convinced that being chased by wolves and bears is “just how things are.” The challenge is developing discernment: knowing when our resistance to new information is protecting us from unnecessary fear versus when it's preventing us from addressing real problems that need our attention.
The Gift of Being Wrong
I've come to see my willingness to be wrong as a superpower. Instead of defending my existing perspective at all costs, I can approach new information with curiosity: "If this were true, what would it mean? If I feel resistant to this information, why is that? What else do I need to know to get a better picture of what is actually happening around me?"
This shift transformed my approach to both personal growth and professional development. As a coach, I've seen how helping clients identify and question their limiting beliefs often creates the most significant breakthroughs.
If You're the Wolf-Grabber
If you've tried to share new perspectives with others only to face resistance or anger, remember: you're challenging more than just ideas. You're disrupting someone's sense of how the world works, which can feel threatening at a fundamental level.
The most effective approach isn't to insist they accept your reality. Instead:
Acknowledge the value their current belief system has provided them
Share your experience without expecting acceptance
Recognize that meaningful change typically happens gradually, not in dramatic moments
Understand that people need to discover their own evidence, not just hear about yours
If You Suspect You're the Runner
All of us have areas where we might be running from wolves we could actually tame. Here are some ways to identify and examine your own potential resistance:
Notice strong negative reactions to new information—these emotional responses often signal beliefs being challenged
Ask yourself: "What would I have to give up if this new perspective were true?"
Identify where your beliefs create a sense of certainty or control, then gently question whether that certainty is serving you
Practice the phrase "I might be wrong about this" as a way to create space for new possibilities
Commit to gathering more information—it’s not about being right or wrong, it’s about understanding what is actually happening around you
The most valuable relationship growth happens in this territory—where we're willing to examine our mental models and consider new possibilities.
What I've found most liberating is realizing that being wrong doesn't diminish me—it means I now have a better understanding of the world around me, which allows me to better navigate it. Every time I discover a belief that's been limiting me, I gain access to new options and opportunities.
What situations are you telling yourself are “fine” when they should be examined more closely? And what wolves might you be running from that you could actually tame?
Until next time.
H