Natural Friction
On moving forward despite dissonance
One of the most common struggles I see—whether in leadership, personal growth, or decision-making—is the discomfort of uncertainty.
We are taught that certainty is not only desirable but achievable. That if we don’t move with certainty, we’re failing in some way. That if we just work hard enough, research enough, or listen to the right experts, we will find the “right” answer and move forward without doubt. But this is a myth.
In reality, friction is a fundamental part of existence. Not just in our personal and professional lives, but in the literal, physical world.
In physics, friction is what makes movement possible—without it, we’d slide aimlessly or remain stuck. The only way to eliminate friction entirely is to exist in a vacuum, a space devoid of interaction, challenge, and growth. Some people attempt this metaphorically—isolating themselves, avoiding difficult conversations, clinging to rigid belief systems.
But a life without friction quite literally means you're not moving forward.
The Illusion of Certainty in Culture
Modern culture is built on the illusion of certainty. Thought leaders, influencers, and executives gain authority by projecting confidence—by positioning themselves as having all the answers. Entire industries thrive on the promise that, if you just follow the right system, attend the right seminar, or adopt the right mindset, you can remove uncertainty from your life. But this is an illusion.
Psychologists call this the Dunning-Kruger effect—a cognitive bias where people with limited knowledge overestimate their expertise, while those with deeper understanding recognize the complexity of a situation and, therefore, experience more doubt. The more someone claims to have all the answers, the more likely it is that they are either unaware of their own limitations or deliberately simplifying reality to sell an idea.
Despite this, people continue to buy into these claims. Why? Because uncertainty is deeply uncomfortable. It’s far easier to follow a leader who claims to have a roadmap than to sit in the discomfort of ambiguity. Yet, in reality, no single path exists. No leader, coach, or system can eliminate friction or provide perfect certainty.
The challenge, then, is to resist the cultural pull toward false confidence and instead develop comfort with ambiguity. Recognizing that uncertainty is a shared human experience—not a personal failing—allows us to navigate friction with greater wisdom, curiosity, and resilience.
All of that said, it’s important to recognize the difference between healthy and unhealthy friction.
Healthy Friction vs. Unhealthy Friction
Here are some healthy forms of resistance, that can ultimately be beneficial:
Discernment: The sense that you’re not ready to choose because you don’t yet have enough information. This isn’t a weakness—it’s wisdom.
Intuition: The gut feeling that something isn’t quite right. Sometimes what feels like hesitation is actually your subconscious recognizing a misalignment.
Constructive Disagreement: The discomfort of differing opinions, which, when explored with curiosity, can lead to deeper understanding and better decisions.
At the same time, it’s important to recognize that some friction is unhealthy:
Decision Paralysis: The overwhelming pressure to make the “right” choice can lead to making no choice at all—which, ironically, is a decision in itself.
Avoidance: When we resist friction entirely—whether by ignoring red flags, ghosting difficult conversations or refusing to engage with differing viewpoints—we rob ourselves of valuable new knowledge and understanding.
Moving Forward With Friction
When faced with uncertainty, how do we determine whether the friction we feel is healthy or unhealthy? Well, there’s no one answer (see what I did there?)—but here’s are a few tactics you can try:
Pause and Observe: Before reacting negatively to friction, take a step back. Are you feeling stuck because of lack of information, fear, or something deeper? Journaling or talking with someone you trust can help you identify what the friction is really about.
Assess the Source: Is your hesitation rooted in discernment, intuition, or avoidance? If it’s a matter of missing information, gather more. If it’s a gut feeling, explore it. If it’s fear-driven avoidance, challenge it.
Consider Middle Ground: Rather than making an all-or-nothing decision, consider that there might be a path in between. Take a moment to brainstorm possibilities, and you’ll likely find a new path that is more aligned.
Seek External Perspective: Sometimes we’re too close to a situation to see clearly. A coach, mentor or therapist can help differentiate between healthy tension and destructive avoidance.
The presence of friction doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path. Even if it feels like being slowed down, it actually confirms that you’re in motion. If you can begin to embrace it, moving forward will feel much easier.
H